Two Steps Forward...and It Feels Like Ten Steps Back

My family, as you can probably have guessed from earlier postings, is a frustration with me.  I don't know how to deal with them and it has been source of many, many, many tears over the years.  Never more so than since Aby has been born.  I feel that frustration on how to contend with asserting myself to my family even more now that  I want to be seen as Aby's mom, the authority and not looked over as if I have no say at all.

A while ago, we had an issue and I felt that I came out on top.  After pretty much being pushed out of the family for a bit and forced to live without their support on even the smallest thing, I finally got the strength and vindication that I CAN live on my own and that I AM a Mom and not to be taken lightly.  Well, how long has it been??? A month for sure, maybe 2 months now, I can't remember exactly but I am back where I used to be.  I once again feel like I am just 3 inches tall when really I should feel 10 feet tall.

It's all going to sound so trivial but it has snowballed into something that is eating at me once again and leading to me to a situation where I have to put my food down with my parents.  They don't seem to get it--Charles and I are Aby's parents and we need to parent the way we see fit, even if it does go against what my parents would have done.  We realized this last night, when we realized that, by no malicious intentions on my father's part, Aby has become spoiled by things he does to put her down to bed.  We were told that my father will 'walk' Aby to sleep, pacing the house slowly until she falls asleep then put her into the playpen they have there.  Recently, we found out my Dad's new trick to get her back to sleep again, when she decides to wake up at 1am- he will take her out of the bed and let her sleep in his bed with my mom and him.  I normally wouldn't mind it if she knew the difference between things done at Grampa's and things we do at home.  But she is 8 months and sadly doesn't have that grasp yet and, as much as I would love to take her into my bed, I feel I don't want to.  And I see the result now-- she has become spoiled to it and feels that she can't sleep if she doesn't get transferred into Grampa's bed or Mommy's bed.

I know that there are some out there that would tell me to just take her into my bed and let her sleep the rest of the night with Charles and I.  We have a double bed, though, and with him and I in it, it is already at near full capacity.  Add a sprawling baby and one of us is on the couch and I don't want that.  I also don't want her to get into the habit and be a 3 or 4 year old toddler expecting to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed on a regular basis.  She needs to learn to sleep on her own.  She needs to learn to put herself to sleep, which is another issue we have with her.

A friend warned me against letting her have a bottle to sleep with in the crib.  I felt that, at least for Aby, it worked.  It helped her sleep and it eased my mind because she didn't cry as long.  Now she will only fall asleep with a bottle, at least she used to.  We have decided to try and get her down on her own- she doesn't like pacifiers, so won't turn to them.  So far it has been difficult- the only thing that seems to work without caving and giving her a bottle is to just let her cry it out and check on her to make sure she isn't too upset.

Basically, I feel like, other than for the bottle issue, my parents are undermining me and it is a massive issue.  Aby will go over to their place and they feel they have all right to give her what they think they want to give her.  They don't ask, they just do and I find out afterwards what she had.  Not that I mind so much but when it starts to carry over into my house when Aby is at home, then I care.  I have sent Aby over there in her daytime clothes to get her back after in a sleeper- I look in the baby bag and they have failed to send back her clothes.  At this moment, Aby is in deep need of clothes to wear that fit, so any items that end up at their house right now, take away from a very small stash here.  I have gotten frustrated only because I would like to get back what I had her in and don't think it is too hard for someone to place clothing in a bag that gets sent with Aby.

Basically, I would like some control over how my child is getting raised and I would also like some respect thrown my way for being a mother that is doing the best she can.  My parents don't seem to get it and I am constantly at odds with them...I'm getting tired of it.....