A random post for a random day

It's very quiet right now- Aby is in bed, out cold a tad earlier than normal due to a cold that she managed to get. And of course, Chuck isn't home, so I have a bit of time on my hands to make a post.

So I am pregnant again.  I am trying to keep it down low since...I don't know, I think there is a part of me that is really not ready to deal with comments of pregnancy, how it relates to Aby and her care and everything else.  I heard all the 'first time mom' advice before and now I'm going to get the 'second baby' pearls of wisdom- 'it's going to be hard', 'are you sure you are ready for two different sizes of diapers?' and all that jazz.  I have already had my share of negativity and blunt honesty since telling my family and some other people and I'm just not ready for the world to know.  And, I mean, I'm only 5 or 6 weeks along, if I do my math right and if the bloodwork that I'm going in for proves-- I have some time to enjoy before having to learn to 'smile and nod'.

Honestly, to set the record straight, I am thrilled.  I know that I have said that it was a 'slip up' and that I was expecting to be pregnant so soon.  When I mention 'slip up', I mean that I got pregnant in a brief sense of laziness toward sex-- we didn't use condoms.Maybe it was a sense that it can't happen THAT fast (despite having one child already) or that I just wasn't worried about the future, as I was that immeadiat moment.  But I am happy, at the end of the day and when I am at my most thoughtful-- I will be the mother to 2 beautiful babies with the best man I could ever meet in my life.  Yes, they are going to be close in age-- Aby will be 21 months by the time the new one comes along.  And yes, it will be hard but I am confident that I will be able to handle everything.

The one thing I will say is that this time I know what to expect, even if the actual pregnancy is going to be slightly different than the last time.  I know the technical stuff, the poking and the prodding, the labour. So in some ways that calms me, knowing what to expect.  Right now, I am slightly confused, since I don't feel pregnant but that's also because I am so early in it- with Aby I found out I was expecting at 2 months along.

So, part of me as much as I am in love with Chuck and proud of him for getting into the military, is slightly annoyed.  Maybe it is the hormones, maybe it is the lack of anything to do, but I am--over the fact he didn't call tonight like he usually does.  I know, I know- I'm being very petty and crazy.  It's not a big deal and it's not like I won't be talking to him soon.  I think what it is is the fact that he had the oppurtunity to tell me that he was going to be busy tonight and not able to get to a pay phone and he didn't do it.  He leaves a message while we are 'texting' over Blackberry Messenger saying that he is going to be go for dinner and the night.  And like I said, maybe it was my roller coaster, first trimester hormones, but I got angry with him.  I still am to a degree but there's not much I can do and there's no point stressing over it. 

I really miss him.  The apart part of this training stage is getting hard.  I know I have signed up for this military sort of life but I have my days where I miss his presense and the time talking to him in person.  I get used to being on my own, learning my own routine and enjoying the time I get to spend with Aby on my own, learning the different parts of her personality and being.  But quiet nights like this, commercials that remind me or a funny/cute thing that Aby does suddenly set me into this 'I want my family together' mood.  I get over it, I move on, compared to before where I used to fall into bouts of tears and slight depression.   I know one day I won't care that he is gone and actually learn to enjoy it- I mean, I get to be married AND not clean up after a messy husband....I'm sure there are some women that would love a day or two like that- at least that I keep telling myself that to help me through the lonliness.

Anyways, that is all for the night.  Feel that this post has gone on long enough and, besides, I have run out of things to type about.

Night, world!