and my new life begins...

So, yeah.  Again, my busy life takes over my blogging time, so I have been away.  So much going on...I still haven't been able to step back and breathe.  Tonight was the first night in a long time that I have had a quiet moment to reflect on where my life is going and what I may expect.

I have been a legally married woman for 2 weeks now.  After making a snap decision, Charles and I tied the knot in a very simple, very quick ceremony at city hall.  We had tossed the idea around before but I was always caving for my family, wanting to give them the wedding they wanted to see.  I had figured one day of playing pretty girl dress-up wasn't going to kill me, so to just go with it.  For the first time I was getting somewhere on the planning-- I had checked out a hall, had gone dress shopping for the first time and even had my bridesmaids and maid of honor picked out.

Well, life has a way of telling me just do what YOU want to do, not what your family expects you to do.  Charles got his phone call from the military offering him a job! Yeah, I was excited and nervous at the same time but another topic came up.  Despite everyone telling us that being common law wouldn't have an effect on us getting military housing or other things that were due to us as well as to legally married couples, we decided that we didn't want to take chances.  Charles was given November 12th as his swearing in day and the 23rd as his first day of a 13 week basic military training stint at a base 3 hours from where we lived.  I didn't want to find out the hard way that common law screwed us on some things-- it wasn't that hard to just get married and be done with the whole legality of it all.

And so we did.  I don't regret it actually-- well, the only thing I regret is that we didn't have much time to plan a reception.  I would have loved to have had a massive blow out party but the small private buffet get-together was just perfect, too.  Everything went smoothly and I became Mrs.Charles R in one, smooth move.  Really didn't change anything, haha--life has pretty much gone on.

But those 2 weeks have flown by and this morning, Charles left for Quebec, where he will spend the winter months.  Everyone recruited into the military gets basic training.  It's after that where it depends on what you were accepted for.  He was accepted for 'supply technician'. Not what he wanted originally but it got him in and he was happy with that- he originally wanted either 'weapon tech' (where he would get to play with guns and ammo, his fave thing in the world, my little redneck) or 'material tech' (which is basically what he went to college for as a welder but plus some, so basically a jack of all trades).  Today is my first night absolutely alone and I don't like it-- I never have and it's happened very rarely that I have nights like this.  Most recently, prior to this, Charles had gone to see family while I stayed home.  Now it will be for 13 weeks...okay, okay, so he will be back for Christmas but I'm still alone.

It's given me time to think.  I'm a military wife now.  Not sure what that means, other than I'm going to be moving, possibly a lot.  And that I have to be strong for him- basic is going to be brutal on him as he it will be a lot of hard, physical labour.  Not that he is afraid of that but I know I'm going to have him questioning why he's doing this and I have to be there for him, to remind him that our daughter will appreaciate his efforts down the road.

There is a part of me that terrified, under all that strength.  I'm a shaking leaf at the thought that I'm going to be raising my daughter on my own for a while until Charles is done his training.  AND I go back to work on the 25th after having my full year off for maternity.  There is this little voice telling me that it's too much, that I'm setting myself to hurt myself or my daughter in some way.  I have been thinking, and crying, all day at what is going on.

It is sooo much and I don't know how to absorb it all.  I know it will get easier as time goes on but it's getting there that is the issue.